When Bart Came Home From School

“Mum!” shouted Izzie. “Look who I’ve got. It’s Bart, my teacher’s pet monkey. Mrs Price says I’ve to look after him for a week and that he has to write a diary about all the things that he does and she said it would be nice if we could take some photos as well.”

Mum said, “That’s lovely, but let’s get home quick. I think it’s going to rain.”

“Mum, Bart says can he have an ice-cream?”

“Can monkeys eat ice-cream?” asked Mum.

“Of course,” giggled Izzie.

“Mum, Bart says can he have fish fingers, chips and beans for tea?”

“Can monkeys eat fish fingers?” asked Mum.

“Of course,” giggled Izzie.

“As it’s Saturday tomorrow shall we take Bart out for a nice long bike ride?” asked Mum.

“Bart says he doesn’t like bike rides but he does like ice-skating.”

“Does he really!” said Mum. “Well, I read in the local papers that the ice rink is closed for three weeks, so ask Bart if he would like to go and watch ‘The Day the Melon Jumped off the Moon’ at the cinema instead.”

“Bart says that would be great – but he will only go if he can have a HUGE tub of popcorn.”

“Okay, but he must be on his best behaviour!” said Mum.

“Bart says he is always on his best behaviour!”

“I think Bart might be telling me a little porky pie, Izzie!” said Mum.

“If the weather’s good on Sunday shall we take Bart for a nice long walk up the woods?” asked Mum.

“Bart says he doesn’t like long walks but he does like going to the swimming pool (the big one with the huge waterslide).”

“Does he really!” said Mum. “Well I don’t think he will be allowed to swim because the rules firmly say ‘NO CHEEKY MONKEYS’ allowed in the pool but they are very welcome to watch from the viewing area (accompanied by an adult of course).”

“Bart said that would be great – but he would like to wear a pair of swimming goggles just in case the water tries to jump out onto him!”

“Good. Is Bart staying at home on Monday or going to school with you, Izzie?” asked Mum.

“Bart says he would like to stay at home with you on Monday.”

“Do you think he would like to come to the supermarket and help me with the weekly shop?” asked Mum.

“Bart says no. He would like to watch TV.”

“Does he really? What does he want to do on Tuesday?” asked Mum.

“Bart says he would like to watch TV.”

“Does he really? What does he want to do on Wednesday?” asked Mum.

“Bart says he would like to watch TV.”

“Please can you tell Bart that TV is okay some of the time but not all of the time?” asked Mum.

“Bart says he won’t watch TV on Wednesday. He would like to play with my computer games instead!”

“Please can you tell Bart that playing computer games will make his eyeballs drop out and turn his fur purple and orange?” asked Mum.

“Bart says you might be telling a huge porky pie!”

“Tell Bart he would look really funky with purple and orange fur,” giggled Mum.

“Bart says you are SILLY!”

“Well, tell Bart I have been called worse,” giggled Mum.

“Bart says can he go for a bike ride on Thursday?”

“I thought Bart didn’t like bike rides?” asked Mum.

“Bart says he has changed his mind and bike rides are great fun.”

“Well, that’s good to know – and going for a bike ride makes you very thirsty, so I’ll probably pop in to McDonald’s on the way back for a nice cold milkshake. (I know Bart would really enjoy that.)”

“Bart says YUM! But can Izzie come too?”

“Tell Bart, that Izzie is at school and that is far more important,” said Mum.

“Bart says on Friday he has to go back to school so we mustn’t forget to take plenty of photographs for the diary and he needs to have a bath as well.”

“Okay, 30 or 40 degrees?” asked Mum.

“Bart says what are 30 or 40 degrees?”

“The temperature on the washing machine,” giggled Mum.

“Bart says Noooooooooooo!! He doesn’t like washing machines!!”

“Tell Bart I shall bath him in the kitchen sink instead,” said Mum.

“Bart says NO! He wants a shower!”

“Okay, anything for a peaceful life,” said Mum.

“Bart says one more thing!”

“Yes?” asked Mum.

“Bart says he’s going to miss you when he goes back to Mrs Price.”

“How sweet – tell Bart I will miss him too,” said Mum as she bent over to kiss Izzie on the forehead.